A constant question I have heard say - not just me but in general.
"How did you get here?"
This could be taken in context to a variety of answers and meanings. For me I honestly know how I got to where I am. At 315 pounds and constant pain and feeling as I deserved this fate. At one time I and sometimes when my mind wonders, I feel like I was dealt this card to make life easier on the people in my life. Confidence was never my strong suit. But great at pretending. So onward to life with a smile. A constant phrase I told myself.
On September 28, 2011 I had been down and out with a 'flu' that I was trying to put at bay for the whole summer that had passed. But on this day the hammer fell. I remember speaking to my daughter about a Popsicle and standing up. After that my first clear memory was seeing my husbands face.
After being in the ER for about 30 minutes a doctor came in and dismissed my symptoms and my husbands accounts of how my failing health. He ordered labs and I would be discharged after confirmation of the labs.
With my husband at my side the doctor rushed into the room wearing a paper mask with one in hand. I nursed followed him. And he seemed freaked out.( I still think he felt like a tool by not taking me seriously.) He gave my husband an extra mask and stated that I had a low blood count and he was going to admit me to ICU. I was scared beyond. I can only remember having only two colds in my adult life I don't get sick.
A few days before this I went to the gym with my husband and I had a huge bruise on the inside of my forearm. But didn't take this in much regard. I was losing weight at the time and I was about 180 I think. Before I was about 220.
That night in the ICU a new doctor came into the room. Before he could introduce himself I read the words "Oncology". Tears were streaming down my face. I was diagnosed with Acute promyelocytic leukemia. After this everything was a blur.
I was in and out of ICU and was told I was trying to kick in deaths door. And my some crazy twist of fate I was in remission my Halloween of 2011. During this time in the hospital I had a stroke and seizure from the chemo along with many other things.
I continued in the hospital until March 24th of 2012. At that time my weight fluctuated from 180 to 220. But I was in complete remission from the APL. But had a long road back to walking, seeing and doing some basic tasks.
Picture of my daughter and I a year and half before cancer.
But dealing with the pain, chemo side effects my mind was unraveling. I found comfort in candy. They were the only thing I could taste and most of the times the only thing I ate.
So years past and medical problems were building. I couldn't stand or walk for more than a few minutes. That just mad me feel sorry for my self more and more.
During a check up with my epilepsy doctor began worrying about my weight. We tried a few different things for me to try. But don't was working. But when I weighed in at 315 pounds she told me to look into bariatric surgery. She was so afraid of my high heart rate and was almost in tears while speaking to me.
So I spoke to my husband and he just told me to do what I needed so we could grow old together and watch our daughter grow up.
"How did you get here?"
This could be taken in context to a variety of answers and meanings. For me I honestly know how I got to where I am. At 315 pounds and constant pain and feeling as I deserved this fate. At one time I and sometimes when my mind wonders, I feel like I was dealt this card to make life easier on the people in my life. Confidence was never my strong suit. But great at pretending. So onward to life with a smile. A constant phrase I told myself.
On September 28, 2011 I had been down and out with a 'flu' that I was trying to put at bay for the whole summer that had passed. But on this day the hammer fell. I remember speaking to my daughter about a Popsicle and standing up. After that my first clear memory was seeing my husbands face.
After being in the ER for about 30 minutes a doctor came in and dismissed my symptoms and my husbands accounts of how my failing health. He ordered labs and I would be discharged after confirmation of the labs.
With my husband at my side the doctor rushed into the room wearing a paper mask with one in hand. I nursed followed him. And he seemed freaked out.( I still think he felt like a tool by not taking me seriously.) He gave my husband an extra mask and stated that I had a low blood count and he was going to admit me to ICU. I was scared beyond. I can only remember having only two colds in my adult life I don't get sick.
A few days before this I went to the gym with my husband and I had a huge bruise on the inside of my forearm. But didn't take this in much regard. I was losing weight at the time and I was about 180 I think. Before I was about 220.
That night in the ICU a new doctor came into the room. Before he could introduce himself I read the words "Oncology". Tears were streaming down my face. I was diagnosed with Acute promyelocytic leukemia. After this everything was a blur.
I was in and out of ICU and was told I was trying to kick in deaths door. And my some crazy twist of fate I was in remission my Halloween of 2011. During this time in the hospital I had a stroke and seizure from the chemo along with many other things.
I continued in the hospital until March 24th of 2012. At that time my weight fluctuated from 180 to 220. But I was in complete remission from the APL. But had a long road back to walking, seeing and doing some basic tasks.
But dealing with the pain, chemo side effects my mind was unraveling. I found comfort in candy. They were the only thing I could taste and most of the times the only thing I ate.
So years past and medical problems were building. I couldn't stand or walk for more than a few minutes. That just mad me feel sorry for my self more and more.
During a check up with my epilepsy doctor began worrying about my weight. We tried a few different things for me to try. But don't was working. But when I weighed in at 315 pounds she told me to look into bariatric surgery. She was so afraid of my high heart rate and was almost in tears while speaking to me.
So I spoke to my husband and he just told me to do what I needed so we could grow old together and watch our daughter grow up.
So I made my way to Reshape Bariatric on March 31st of this year. Dr. Bagshahi was very is a dream. Very nice and caring. So after the appointment I began my journey to the pre-op world of bariatric surgery. And after June 6th of this year I'll be able to meet with him again to set a date for surgery. His suggested surgery was the gastric sleeve. Hence, Sleeve Me Alone.
But as of now I am standing strong and tall at 298 pounds. I gave up sugar, even though I crave like a crack head. He ask me to be at 290 for my next visit with him. I'm aiming for at least 285. I am really pushing my self. I have a lot of pain from working out and even standing.
I am not feeling sorry for my self.
I am not depending on food to make me feel better.
I am finally knocking out the scared and weak person I became after cancer. And finding the fighter I was before. I am taking control. I am taking care of me!
So this program that had me running slow and defeated is getting Control, Alt, Deleted.
